Estoy Terminado (Casi)

So this is my second reflection, over the month of July and my study abroad as a whole. During the month of July, i got out and saw more things, such as buildings and museums. I counted yesterday, and I don´t remember the exact numbers that I wrote in my planner, but it was something like 3 museums in June, and then 14 in July? I´d say that´s a big difference. Then I also visited more parks this month, though the number is much less impressive. In short, I experienced Madrid more. I was able to cross things off my checklist like crazy, and it felt good! I feel confident in the amount of sight-seeing I did and the amount of cultural things I did.

Speaking of that, I feel kind of like I got a bit more traditional culture this time, where as last month was more modern culture, like the night life partying, seeing the band with Karina and Brendan, and visiting more of the bars and restaurants. This session, though, I went to an opera at the royal theater, which isn´t exactly modern in our society. I also went to see a Flamenco Ballet, and Flamenco is a big part of the culture here in Spain. I also went to more museums, some of them about Spain, such as the women´s rights museum that I stumbled upon. Overall, I´m happy with the culture that I have experienced.

This experience for me has been one of the hardest of my life. I have had to do things on my own, completely on my own. This made July one of the loneliest months of my life, since I haven´t gone to do things with people. Add that to the Internet not working properly, and I felt nearly completely cut off from the US. On the other hand, this was a good thing. It made me realize how independent I am and how independent I can be. Being able to navigate a foreign city (which is WAY more metropolitan than I have ever been in before) with a foreign language by myself is a pretty big accomplishment, especially for me, who´s directionally challenged.

I´ve also learned to stand on my own. This may not seem like it should be too hard for me, since I´m not altogether too social in the US, but being here I don´t have the option to start a real conversation with a stranger, since my Spanish is still so limited. Nor do I really get along with many of the other USAC students, since all I get invited to is the mass group outings to bar-hop or go to a club and get drunk. I also have a theory that many USAC students are still kind of immature. I wouldn´t have expected that, since I thought to go to a foreign country you would need to be mature. My maturity level is, and always has been, one of my greatest strengths, and one of my biggest weaknesses. It´s the reason I can´t relate to other students too well, and as a result I have less friends that are good. Again, this makes me appreciate the ones I have so much more.

The experiences I have had with the food, overall, have been amazing for me, because I remember when I went to Italy and France years ago, I was shy to try regular noodles that were green, or meat that I couldn´t identify. Here in Spain I have really opened up my mind to trying new things, which has shocked me a bit. Even more shocking, I have enjoyed it all! (Except the gazpacho). I take this to be a sign that if I branch out to other things, like going to a nightclub with American strangers I just met, or going to an opera that I´m not sure about, or traveling to a landmark or museum on my own, can turn out to be a really good experience for me. All I need to do is try. That sounds über cheesy, but hey, I guess people say it for a reason.

I have also realized, however insignificant it may seem, how oblivious I am. Maybe that´s not the right word, but it´s as close as I can seem to get with my words. Sometimes, they do fail me. Anyway, what I mean by this is that I don´t notice a lot of things. Like in the US, I don´t notice when people stare at me (which according to mom happens a lot). It happens a lot here on the subway, because staring is a part of their culture, but I still don´t seem to notice a lot of it. I only notice the obvious, blatant ones who stare straight at me, and when I look back at them, they don´t look away. Awkward. It´s the same with the people who hand out coupons or flyers in the streets. I either don´t notice them, or I walk by and pretend not to notice them. I don´t know, it´s just something I noticed.

I have also learned to appreciate my body. Not something Spain necessarily did, but the women here in Spain. There are a lot of women, especially my age, that are much, much smaller than I am. However, most of these women are either bony, or lanky. I have learned to appreciate my muscular arms and thighs, and love that they are a mark of my athleticism and my past. On the other end, there are also a lot of women that are overweight, and some severely overweight. I feel sad when I look at them, and I thank God I have the mentality and motivation to exercise to maintain my body. I don´t ever want to be that middle aged woman sitting alone on the metro in sweatpants with a large cup of ice cream in one hand and the spoon in the other. nor do I want to be the person that rushes to catch the elevator when the escalator is right next to it. Is it really that much more work to stand on moving stairs? All in all, I have developed body peace.

This was an experience of a lifetime, and I wouldn´t trade it for the world. It´s been one of the hardest experiences of my life mentally and physically, but it´s also been one of the best. The things I have learned here and the culture I´ve participated in will be with me forever, and they have changed me into a more culturally aware person, for which I am glad. I don´t want to live in the US bubble for my entire life, I never have. Getting out and experiencing a country, living in another country, has broadened my horizons more than I expected it to. I am glad to be coming home, but I am also sad to be leaving Spain, because it´s like leaving a part of me behind.